Perfectionism, Social Media, and Social Media Holidays

How have you spent your lock-down?

It seems looking out there, that a huge amount of people have spent their time during lock-down as productively as possible. The self-improvement in either their bodies or minds appears to have been accelerated by the fact that they cannot go out rather than inhibited and, via social media, there is increasing exposure to this new standard they exhibit.

Driving this, appears to be inspirational quotes and stories, such as Shakespeare writing King Lear during the plague and social media itself through trending hashtags such as #bodygoals, which place emphasis on using the lock-down as a time for weight loss or ‘getting healthy’ as there is currently no distraction.

Though social media and the media have been shown to negatively skew our opinions of our bodies since long before the lock-down (Fernandez and Pritchard, 2012), it can also feel that individuals are starting to demonstrating their success in other areas too such as their parenting achievements or their accomplishments in DIY. This can lead us to some unhelpful conclusions:

I should be doing something.

I am worthless

I am lazy/fat/ugly

People have always compared their achievements with each other. However, this has risen dramatically in recent years. In a study conducted by Curran and Hill (2019), unfavourable comparison was demonstrated to have risen since the 1980s. Curran and Hill (2019) explain that young people perceive others to demand more of them, demand more of others and are more demanding of themselves.

We are becoming increasingly perfectionist.

Curran and Hill (2019) explain that as society has become more individualistic, this perfectionism has come from a desire to demonstrate our self-worth. This is at the cost of our mental health. A study by Padoa et al (2018) found that young mothers with perfectionist tendencies found engaging in social media had significant negative impact for both their mood and their anxiety level. In a study by Fardouly and Vartanian (2016), the use of social media over time is consistently and positively correlated with negative body image. The more you use social media, the worse you feel and think about your body.

During lock-down, we have maybe been placed in a Catch-22 situation a little bit: needing to use social media to feel connected to others, but feeling more and more worthless as we do.

I propose a simple exercise. Imagine you meet someone at a social event. Within ten seconds of meeting them you just instantly click, after a lengthy conversation they leave you feeling happy and excited and you can imagine being friends with them for years. What qualities or characteristics do they have? Write a small list.

Now imagine the opposite. Imagine that within ten seconds of meeting this new person, you just know that you will not get on. They annoy and upset you. You feel awful being around them and want to leave the social event. What qualities do they have? Write another small list.

Now appearance obviously matters, especially in romantic relationships and achievements obviously have value, but what is often clear from doing this exercise is how much it matters and the answer is: not that much.

Often, we do not focus on other’s achievements when we asses how much we value them, but on their qualities. Regularly when people complete this exercise, they forget to consider appearance or achievements at all.

What frequently gets identified is how kind, funny, loving or loyal the other person is, and from the negative end of the spectrum, qualities or characteristics such as violent, judgemental, or unloving are identified.

Our use of social media can make us feel that all we care about, and all that matters, is other’s achievements or how beautiful they are, but when we are asked, often what we truly value are things that are inherent to us as human beings. Imagine a funeral where people talked about how much they would miss the deceased because of their body fat percentage! Or how they were a horrible person to be around, but they had a lovely huge house. It is a bit ridiculous! Go back to your lists and have a go at asking yourself what qualities you have. You maybe more valuable than you thought (remember that we are all flawed in at least some way when doing this). Maybe next time your on social media and feeling like you should do something, it might be helpful to remind yourself what really matters to you. You are probably OK as you are, just like everyone else.

Proactive Anti Loneliness, Social Distancing Doesn’t Mean Social Isolation

At the Happiness Research Institute in Denmark, they study (as you might have guessed), happiness. In a study published by the Happiness Research Institute for the United Nations, the World Happiness Report (which you can read here https://www.happinessresearchinstitute.com/publications) proved, using scientific methods, that relationships are the biggest impact factor for how happy we feel. Even in far poorer countries, relationships come second to wealth.

Due to the current lock-down situation however, in order to be safe and keep others safe, we are required to social distance, to keep ourselves away from others. This is a serious issue for mental health. Prior to the lock down, social isolation was already a big concern within the UK, with loneliness and social isolation proven to have a detrimental effect on not only physical but also mental health (Courtin and Knapp, 2015, Mushtag et al, 2014). During our current situation it is very likely that loneliness and social isolation have increased and that, for some, the biggest impact factor for our happiness has either reduced or been taken away.

1)      ‘Proactive anti-loneliness’

In a study conducted by Pettigrew and Roberts (2007), they found that interventions that ameliorated loneliness among older adults were:

·         Using friends and family as an emotional resource.

·         Engaging in eating and drinking rituals as a means of maintaining social contacts.

·         Spending time constructively doing reading and gardening.

Taking an approach of ‘proactive anti-loneliness’ by engaging in these activities (albeit in an adapted way) could really help how we experience this lock-down and how happy we feel as a result. Modern technology like Skype and Zoom allow us to connect socially without having to be physically present. Using these resources to maybe have virtual dinner together with friends, or to create a pub quiz with family members living in different homes means that social distancing doesn’t have to mean social isolation.

But what about those that don’t have an existing social group to lean on? Well, the third suggestion in the study by Pettigrew and Roberts (2007) is a solitary activity that is proven to reduce loneliness and doesn’t require another participant.

Secondly, though we are social distancing, this is also a time when we can boost our happiness and help others with one activity.

2)      Doing something for others

Doing things for others is proven to increase our happiness and increase our sense of community and social connection (Helliwell et al, 2014). However, not everyone is fortunate enough to have strong relationships with family or friends and often we find ourselves isolated, frequently due to circumstances beyond our control, lock-down or no lock-down.

This does not mean that we need to remain that way. During this crisis, and when it has finished, there is always a need for people to volunteer their time to help others. Not only is there benefit to those receiving this help, often hugely significant, but also there is a scientifically proven benefit to help reducing our own experiences of loneliness and isolation. Take some time and think about how you could help others and it might also be a bit of help to you too.

https://www.gov.uk/government/get-involved/take-part/volunteer